Does making a verbal threat across state lines make this a USA PATRIOT Act case?

I received an unsolicited sales pitch from " Peter Opere • AppAssure Software • Channel Manager, South" on Thursday afternoon, 7 July 2011. The opening line of the spammy little email said, "I just tried to reach you...."

Since I had been sitting at my desk, at which all my phone lines ring and all my email addresses are received, for a few hours, and since USPS and package delivery had already been through my neighborhood, I took this to be a lie.

After checking my call logs, voice mailboxes, and spam filters (no -- really -- I did this), I said so in my admittedly profane but brief "unsubscribe" reply: "You didn't just try to reach me, and you're a lying piece of s#1t for claiming you did."

(I didn't type the little comic-strip "I'm not really cursing" symbols in my email to Mr. Opere. I just did that to protect your delicate sensibilities.)

Mr. Opere replied within a few moments: "WHAT!?!? David, I am insulted sir! I will be reporting you!"

And a few moments later, after receiving no response from me, Mr. Opere emailed again: "You feel bad now don’t you? I would too…"

I didn't actually feel too bad, since it was Mr. Opere's unsolicited sales pitch that had interrupted my work day. Contributing to my not feeling bad is that AppAssure offers services related to Microsoft(R) server products, of which I own none. But, since AppAssure is a Microsoft Gold Certified Partner, I'm sure the company's products are top-notch, even if I don't need them.

(Also, because I was not entirely sure to whom I would be reported, I didn't want to risk anything aside from a four-letter word being added to my permanent record.)

Imagine my surprise when my phone rang this morning (8:25 AM in the time zone in which I live, but 5:25 AM in the time zone of my phone's area code) and I was informed by an anonymous male caller from 703-547-8686 that if I ever sent an email like that to one of his people, he would "come down there and kick my ass." Since Google identifies that number as belonging to AppAssure's corporate headquarters, I feel confident that Mr. Opere did, in fact, report me.

However, I do not feel bad.

Instead, I feel like this: Sales is tough. I don't do it, and I'm glad I don't do it, and I have tremendous respect for people who can do it well. But a good sales relationship is based on mutual trust and respect, so attempting to launch a sales relationship with a lie in the first sentence of an unsolicited email for a product for which I have no use seems like an effort doomed to fail.

But if failure is not enough, Mr. Opere and colleagues, and a real blaze of glory is what you're looking for, I'm glad to oblige.

UPDATE on 12 July 2011: I received the following email from the founder of AppAssure:

Mr. Schlosser:

I want to personally apologize for an incident that recently came to my attention. I have spoken to Peter at length and I can assure you it will not happen again, not to you, any other person, or company. We are a fast growing company and our marketing and sales people may have gotten a little ahead of themselves, as the email that was sent was incorrectly sent, and was only supposed to go to people for whom we left a voicemail.

As one of the founders of AppAssure, I insist on putting customers and prospects first, and provide them with as professional experience as possible. I demand we treat everyone with respect even if the same courtesy is not shared.

As for the call that came early in the morning that is absolutely, without question, not tolerated and that person does not have a place here at AppAssure.

No letter can change the events as they unfolded, however as you were compelled to share your experience, I felt compelled to apologize and recognize that we need to do better, much better. All of our sales and support people will be getting a refresher in proper customer service and professionalism.

Sincerely,


Todd Fredrick
EVP and Founder
AppAssure Software

PS Per your request we have unsubscribed you from any future emails and calls.

20 (19) Twitter user tips

A good friend joined Twitter & asked my advice. I told him I would Tweet my responses. Here goes - Schlosser's 20 Tweet rules (actually, just 19 because #5 is utterly personal).

1. Before you join any social media network, remember SM golden rule: It’s better to give than to receive.
2. Also remember Confucius’ golden rule: Treat others as you want them to treat you (that other guy came later).
3. Also remember your mom’s golden rule: If you don’t have anything nice to say, shut your wordhole.
4. Determine why you want to use Twitter (any social network): to meet people, network for job, learn new things, laugh, cry?
5. (I have found Twitter to be an astounding resource for new content on writing, editing, publishing, professional communications.)
6. After you know why you want to use Twitter, follow people who answer your question (limit following others to save your time).
7. Download/install a Twitter client like TweetDeck – it’s the only way to manage/filter the flow of information.
8. Find a URL shortener you like – bit.ly (built in to TweetDeck) or tinyURL.com, for example.
9. Follow @GuyKawasaki – he gives good advice/tips on using Twitter and is a decent (not great) model.
10. Start slowly and dedicate minimal time to Twitter. It will eat every moment of your life if you let it.
11. Do not automatically follow people who follow you – honestly evaluate why you want to follow someone.
12. Follow someone only after reviewing a few dozen of their postings to evaluate whether you’ll enjoy their company.
13. Block spammers (even though they increase your # of followers).
14. Ruthlessly unfollow anyone whose updates do not consistently add value to your life.
15. Ignore the following/follower numbers – your only question is whether you’re improving your life by Tweeting or following.
16. Tweet naturally – if you’re Tweeting to attract followers, you’re missing the point.
17. Tweet graciously – share things you find interesting and tell people where you found it so they can find it, too.
18. Tweet smartly – no one really cares what you had for lunch unless you experienced something nontrivial.
19. Tweet courageously – when you have something worth saying, don’t worry about what or when it is.
20. Give as much as you get. Relationships are about reciprocity – you can’t fully benefit without mutual participation.